it's the missing half of the team!!!

the whiny half of the team too! GRRRR!!!! how many times do i start over before i give up??????? *sigh*

i am happy to report i have done some exercise today and i also think i am going to friggin DIE! the honeysuckle is in full bloom so i convinced pezzy to get in the stroller and let me push her super fast on the path around the back of our neighborhood to go see it. the additional advantage of doing heavy walking (yea folks i didn't even RUN) in 200% humidity is that i am now so thirsty i will have no problem drinking a bunch of water! i actually exercised 2 days in a row if i can count pushing two children trhough the zoo up hill in a double stroller combined with carrying/dragging a screaching 2 year old part of the time.........

i AM doing better with drinking water and eating less but not eating as well as i should be. however i just finished several weeks of WAY too much work for one person so maybe i can pull myself together a bit now............i am proud to report i BROUGHT our lunches to the zoo so i had a DEElish chicken salad wrap and fiber one yogurt as my lunch.........then caved later and ate part of pezzy's cup of ice cream.

hubby had a novel idea for me now that work has slowed down a bit and suggested i try getting a decent amount of sleep every night since i HAVE seen studies say that lack of sleep can contribute to weight gain. i get about 5 hours at best each night right now......i may have permanently lost some brain cells at this point since i have been doing that since the website opened 1 1/2 years ago! so last night i got EIGHT hours of sleep - EIGHT HOURS. i DO feel good today!

of course this doesn't mean i don't have ANYthing going on in the store - 11 new stamps will release in a couple weeks along with tripling the line of glittered skittles BUT all pre-orders are shipped from winter CHA and studio Gs will have a break until the holidays hit.

i can't find my scale so i don't know what i have lost or not lost so far but up until now i have pretty much stayed the same - nothing lost but i still have not re-gained what i lost just after christmas.

and now i am off to contemplate making the muffin recipe i found on weight watchers.com

hugs!!!

Day 21: 5...

...is my NEW FAVOURITE NUMBER!!!

I know I'm probably jumping the gun a little since I promised I would do my weigh-in on Sundays, but I got on the scale today and did a complete double-take! It said 269 *happy dance* (BWAHAHAHAHA, someone just told me that I had made a typo...omg, with that typo it would look like I was doing a happy dance because I GAINED over 100 pounds! So what I meant was ONE sixty-nine *whew* THANK YOU for pointing that out! *grins*) 21 days ago, my scale reading was 174! I even got on and off four times just to make sure, but each time I was getting the same reading - showing me I'm 5 lbs down from when I first started! I'm doing it, I'm REALLY doing it!!! *screech*

*breathes* Alright...I know I shouldn't get so excited as weight can fluctuate every day multiple times a day, but for the longest time, this has been the lowest weigh-in I've had, plus it's really showing a difference! I'm working hard at something I normally quit at before I barely even start and it actually looks like it's paying off! I'm eating right, working out and losing weight! Who woulda thunk it?! No crazy fad diets, diet pills, blah blah blah!

As the day isn't even halfway over yet, I know I'm a little bit early with this post, but I'll be back with the rest of Day 21 later! Today marks three weeks! It took me three weeks to lose 5 pounds - to me, that ain't bad! I have another three weeks to go until the upcoming wedding, so by that day, I could possibly be down a total of 10 pounds if I stay on track (not counting the 15 $0.40 chicken wings that I ate yesterday *winces*).

More updates later! Choir practice was cancelled for this evening so I'm hoping that I can get in another Zumba class later! Look at me being all excited for exercising!!!

Day 20: Confession...

...went to cardio kickboxing...







...then I went and ate 15 chicken wings and had a strawberry dacquiri right after class.

I'm trying to feel sorry that I buckled, but they were so good, it was so worth it.

Plus they were only $0.40 per wing. I think it's common knowledge that when a delicious chicken wing is LESS than fifty cents, they're OBVIOUSLY diet chicken wings, therefore, they don't necessary count.

Hello, and welcome to my own little world right here by the river called De Nile. It's a nice little place, so happy and full of delicious food. Come on in and make yourself comfortable!

Day 19: 10 freakin' inches!!!!

...okay, so I was having a good day until I got off the phone with my mother. Ugh.

I'm not sure if I've already mentioned it - I'm pretty sure that I have already - but I'm going to be a bridesmaid (or matron of honour) on June 20th for my best friend. To try to cut down on some costs, she decided that she'd ask my mom to sew the bridesmaids' dresses out of a dress pattern that she found. Now my mom is an awesome sewer..seamstress...or whatever you're supposed to call one that sews. But she can only sew from the pattern. No pattern means no sewing. But it was a-okay, Melissa's got the pattern for the dress and the material was bought blah blah blah.

She's just finishing up sewing the other girls' dresses and I told her to do mine last since I was still working on losing some weight. She calls me up yesterday and she is freaking out...well, as much as my mom can freak out...she's surprisingly calm through crisis situations...

Mom: Hey remember when we were talking last week...what did you say your waist measurement was?

Me: 44 down to 42, I think.

Mom: Okay, so the dress pattern that Melissa picked. Size 18 is the biggest and it's calling for a 32 waist.

Me: What?!?!

Mom: You can do it!

*LOL* So awesome that my mom believes in me...but 10 inches!?!?! OMG, there is no control underwear or Spanx that could POSSIBLY even help me get close to that...even if I wore, like...FOUR of them!

Luckily, my best friend is not your typical bridezilla waiting to happen. She's so relaxed and laid-back about everything. I messaged her soooo scared when I had to tell her what was going on and I TOLD her she could be mad at me and I would TOTALLY understand because brides with 24 days to their wedding do NOT need to be dealing with stuff like this! But I underestimated her - which I shouldn't have - and she just wondered what we could do to fix and and I said that there were two other dress patterns that I found that have bigger sizes to fit me and she had a look at the pictures and she was totally fine with them. She said she would never get mad at me for something like that and I was so relieved I almost started crying! *LOL*

Anywho, today was even easier than yesterday in terms of eating. For some reason, I'm REALLY under on my calorie budget! AWESOME! I think it's because today was Zumba day so I factored a 500 calorie burn from going to the one-hour class. I'm pretty sure the calories burned in that class is MORE than 500, but without an HRM (heart rate monitor) I can't be sure, so I'm underestimating, so I don't eat over my calorie budget. But my calorie counter shows a leftover amount of 911 calories that I could still eat and I'm not even hungry! I am *SO* pumped (even with that whole bridesmaid dress debacle, now that we've found a solution if I absolutely cannot fit into the original dress!) And I even ate something sort of baaad by eating that pizza at lunch! Ah well...

I finally got a chance to pick up the South Beach Diet book and I've just been reading and not necessarily going to follow the diet exactly. I'm just trying to get more ideas of meals and food and snack suggestions. The SBD is suggesting that for the first TWO weeks, you give up carbs (bread, some fruits, etc.) and it would target your mid-section. Once the first two weeks are done, you are free to re-introduce carbs back into your diet. I had heard that the SBD has been getting some bad publicity about it cutting out the carbs, but I think it kind of sounds like it makes sense. To give your body a jump start in losing weight and showing some progress...and then you build from there after the first two weeks. Meh...I think a lot of different plans could work for a lot of different people. Like I said, it's all in the magic of actually doing them.

I keep talking about my calorie counter, so I thought I'd show what it looks like:

You can click on the image to see the full view

So anywho...it's actually proven to be REALLY helpful. I know that the numbers may not be exact, but it gives you a pretty good idea of what range you should be staying in! I've definitely become more conscious of what I'm eating and reading food labels and ingredients and blah blah blah!

If you're interested in having a look at this and maybe even trying it out, check out: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

Day 18: I Heart Leftovers...

...I wasn't really talking about food leftovers, but now that I think about it, for some foods, I really like leftovers. Sometimes, the leftovers taste BETTER than when it was first cooked!

But anywho, I was thinking leftovers as in CALORIE leftovers! After the disastrous weekend of pure and absolute weakness (but oh, so delicious food *giggles*) I decided to buckle up and make up for it!

According to my calorie counter, I still have 369 calories that I'm allowed to eat! YAY! And you know what's even better? I haven't eaten it! I know!!! It's a miracle!

I was actually considering eating a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich as a treat to myself, but then I decided against it because first of all, it's already after 9 pm and too close to bedtime and second, after that weekend, me eating a little better doesn't really justify a "treat" to myself. So ice cream is a no-go tonight, my friends!

I'm finding that if I wake up earlier, I'm not running around the house like a mad-woman at 8:25 am trying to get all my stuff and snacks together - which would be good since I'm supposed to BE at work by 8:30 am. *LOL* But it's just SO easy to turn the alarm off and go back to sleep! I've taken to actually leaving my phone (which functions as my alarm clock) across the room so that when it goes off, I actually have to get out of bed to turn it off. The sucky part is that sometimes, I'll get back into bed and go back to sleep anyway.

Anywho, nothing much from me today so I'll just check in with my food!

Breakfast
1 poached egg
Fibre 1 cereal with So Good soy milk

I realized today that soy milk is made out of soy (okay, that's not the realization part because I knew that obviously...but it was one of the parts that led UP to me realization) here's the next part...soy is like...a bean. Beans....want to guess what happened that brought that realization on? *LOL* Think like a 12-year old boy, it might help...if not, I might just lay it out for you...hahahaha...

Snack
Kashi Chewy Granola Bar in Peanut, Peanut Butter

Lunch
Lean Cuisine Tuscan Chicken Panini

Snack
Del Monte Peach and Mango fruit cup

Dinner
6' Subway Ham sub on 9 grain honey oat, no mayo, no cheese
2 Vlasic dill pickles

Total calorie consumption was 1,325 and I was allowed to have 1,694! Yay me! I don't even feel that hungry either! Didn't do too much exercise except for my Wii Active. Today was upper body and it required the use of the resistance band a lot, of which I didn't even feel. I think I'll have to get the other resistance band that is sold separately to try and challenge myself. I'm already standing really close to both ends by the strap and it's not giving that much resistance and that's pretty bad since I have absolutely NO upper body strength at ALL! I did a spectacular face-plant the last time I tried to do a situp - and it was an easy situp too, the kind where you're on your knees. Ah well, tomorrow is Zumba class so at least I'll have an hour of cardio under my belt tomorrow!

Day 17: Diet, thy enemy is the WEEKEND!

...going to a restaurant when you're on a diet is like taking a test you didn't really study for. During a test, you kind of think you know the answers and feel as if they are right there on the edge of your memory, but you can't quite grasp it and get it out there on paper. At a restaurant, the server waits while you try to get the healthy option off the tip of your tongue, but you just can't get it out because the garlic shrimp pasta just sounds so much better!

The weekend was bad. Correction: I was bad! I shouldn't blame it on the weekend, the weekend didn't do anything it doesn't normally always do. Should lay the blame where it belongs and that's all with me! I'm so weak for noodles...and popcorn...and M&M's. CONFESSION: I accidentally on purpose forgot to list the M&M's I ate at the movies on my calorie counter. No need to kick a girl when she's already down now, is there?

So thank goodness I got Saturday's Active workout in there or else I wouldn't have gotten an increase in calorie allowance. I think that's the only thing I didn't go over in (even with the M&M's that I conveniently left off). Everything else was pretty up there...and if my counter was recording SODIUM...holy crap, it would be off the chart!

So Bart and I went out to Boston Pizza for dinner (no stove, oven, sink still, there was really no other options...we'd already had lunch with family at the anniversary party!) I thought I would be a good girl and order off of their "healthy" section menu and it wasn't so bad until I saw the sodium part. 1100 g of sodium! For shrimp skewers and a salad! HOLY CRAP! It pretty much makes all the water that I forced myself to drink irrelevant! *sighs* I have no idea why I do such things to myself. Work hard at one part, only to do something else that completely obliterates even the hard part! Ay-yay-yay...

Again, I'm not going to be too hard on myself. I recognize and acknowledge that I could have done way better, but I'm also recognizing and acknowledging that I used to eat much worse. But like I said, eating the same way I used to eat will get me nowhere and lying to my calorie counter and blog is essentially like lying to myself and won't help me to get any skinnier, so YES, I ate those M&M's dammit!

So that was Saturday and I don't know if today was better or worse. Ate a poached egg and Fibre 1 cereal with soy milk for breakfast and had Grill 'Ems (with cheddar *whimpers*) and a tossed salad for lunch. Dinner I ate another one of those Lean Cuisine paninis and I.was.still.HUNGRY. Hungry like I could NOT get it off my mind. I tried to watch a movie, I tried to go on the message boards, I tried to go in my scraproom, but all I could think of was FOOD. I went back to the couch to snuggle with the husband to try to get my mind off FOOD and I turned to him and was like, "WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE A HAMBURGER?" Turns out he was sneaking off into the kitchen to have bites of a hamurger so I wouldn't have to see him eating in front of me. I managed to last about another hour before I got up all determined like to look for my car keys. I was going to Sobey's to hunt down a Skinny Cow!

TIP: Everyone probably already knows this, but it totally bears repeating: Do NOT go into a grocery store when you're hungry. Under NO circumstances. You just have no common sense when you're hungry, you end up thinking with your stomach and not your brain and $30 later, you walk out with more than a Skinny Cow. I tried to be good and bought healthier snack foods that I could keep with me at the office, unfortunately, I wasn't thinking and pretty much bought all "healthy" junk food. It was only when I was leaving the store that it occured to me that I should have bought some fresh fruit and vegetables that I could prepare - even a freakin' BANANA would have been good to grab and eat for snacks and some fat-free yogurt since we were out at home. Instead, I have two boxes of Skinny Cow goodies (they could also change her name to Expensive B*tch...I should write that in their suggestion section on their website, it seems like a more accurate description) and a package of Cadbury Moments in Dark Chocolate. I don't even like dark chocolate, but my one health book said that if I absolutely have to have chocolate, try going dark as it's full of antioxidants, blah blah blah. Let me just say that there are only a few times that I asbolutely need chocolate, and I can guarantee you that it's not antioxidants that I'll be thinking about when I need to inhale those babies. But I'm hoping that having them around will help. *shrugs* Also came out with a box of Kashi granola bars. I'll have to write that guy in the commercial because he promised to eat the box if I didn't like it and I most certainly do NOT like it. If you want to know what it tastes like...imagine an open-faced peanut butter sandwich falling face-down on the ground. Imagine picking it up and eating the DIRT on which the sandwich fell on. That comes pretty close...lemme think, what else did I get? Oh right, they were having a 3 for $4 on Quaker Crispy Minis chips - which are delicious and chances are I could eat a whole bag before my body even recognizes it's inhaled calories. I should try to count out how many are the actual serving size that the calories are counted for, put those in a ziplock baggie and take only those. Should have thought of that this morning so I wouldn't have a whole bag sitting behind me right now...

Ah well...done is done and at least they're still healthier snacks than I normally would have chosen for myself.

So, all-in-all, bad dieter but a better week is coming. Tomorrow is Day Four of my Wii Active 30 Day Challenge and Tuesday and Wednesday are gym daaaays! It'll be a better week. Scout's honour!

WORKING OUT TO:

jump up lets (get krazy) pitbull and lil john (lyrics).mp3 - pitbul

Day 16: If I knew then, what I know now...

...I wouldn't have been complaining about my weight.

As I type this, I'm looking at my brother's wedding pictures on Facebook that he just uploaded. His wedding was in May of 2006, so we're looking at about three years ago - wait. Wow, has it really been three years ago already? - anywho, as I was saying; I was looking at the pictures and if I look in the pictures where I am in them, you can see a slight discomfort hiding behind my smile. You can also see a slight awkwardness to the way that I'm standing - in which I'm trying to stand exactly so that my arms and hands are positioning my too small bouquet to try and cover my too large tummy. Well, "too large" is what I thought of at the time. If I had known then how much larger my tummy could get (and how it can wondrously push down my under garments all by itself without the aid of my hands!) I would have flaunted my figure then instead of trying to hide it and instead, started taking better care of myself so I wouldn't be where I am now.

May 2006: There's me down front (left side of monitor)

Ah, the clarity of hindsight!

As if that bridesmaid experience wasn't bad enough, skip two years later (I got married in between being bridesmaids) but this one doesn't count only because...

Corsets and photographers are nice to brides, they squeeze and tuck here and there and airbrush the rest that's left over. We had to loosen that baby about three times after dinner...*LOL* and when I was finally able to shed the second skin, there were corset track lines all over my torso and bruises on my hip bones from it having been so tight. Sexy...

...okay, so like I was saying, two years later (July 2008) to another nightmarish bridesmaid experience (nightmarish only for the fact that I felt fat and awkward the WHOLE day):

*shudders*

Good grief. This was tagged on Facebook and I un-tagged it so fast the person who added it was probably wondering if she even tagged it at all. Hahaha...I'm telling you, bridesmaids' bouquets are a gift to the bridesmaid from the florist. If they like you enough, they'll make yours slightly bigger than the rest of the skinny bridesmaids to cover more - the florist in both the photos was definitely helpful...as it was my mother, so my bouquets got to be slightly larger to help out. *LOL*

Please tell me I'm not the only one who's ever done the opposite and graphically displayed their journey to weight-gain.

I seriously used to be scared to look at these pictures - especially the ones from last year. I feel bad that I'm not in more pictures with my closest cousin because I didn't want to be anywhere near the camera (or her skinny bride self) but I'm chalking it up now to, who cares! The past is in the past and I have to see everything for what it really is for me to be able to fix it. I can be sad about the weight and what I missed out because of it, or I can vow to work hard and fix it and never miss any other precious moments because of it.

With that said, we're movin' on like Mya!

I finally got my Wii Active to work and it is.Flippin'.AWESOME! wow, Wow, WOW! As usual, I jumped in headfirst and started out right away with the 30 Day Challenge and it was definitely a work out. THOUGHT: why is it that under normal circumstances, sweating is SO gross, but then while you're working out, the MORE beads of sweat I can feel actually trickling DOWN my neck and my face, the happier and more productive I feel? It's weird, it's not like sweat really shows anything, I mean...the air conditioner could be broken or something. *LOL* After getting over how much of an idiot I feel while jogging and doing back kicks on the spot (this coming from the fool who jumps around on a mini trampoline *LOL*) you can really get into it. Like I had come to the realization before, when it comes to almost ALL weight-loss stuff (diet pills not counting because they don't count - I'll have WAY more to say about that later) where was I? Oh right, when it comes to almost all weight-loss stuff, you get out of it what you put into it. You can't buy a workout DVD and say it didn't work if you kind of did it half-assed (sadly, doing it half-assed doesn't equal half an ass as a result, my friends). You can't start a new diet and really tell people that it didn't work if you didn't follow through.

I just finished this Day 2 this morning and my legs are REALLY feeling it. Like the burning, aching feeling - but I am feeling AWESOME. I can see now how some people can really get into this fitness mode...how can you not like the feeling of accomplishment and self-worth after? It's addicting!

Just finishing up my breakfast of a poached egg, Zero yogurt and Fiber 1 cereal to mix with the yogurt and I'll be ready to get on with the rest of my day. My grandparents are celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary today, so the entire family is convening for the special event! My grandparents have 11 children and 10 of them are here in Canada, so we actually had to rent out an entire hall to fit everyone comfortably (we also have to do this for Christmas and other family events - my dad's side of the family can no longer convene in houses without it getting destroyed). It's going to be a potluck so we'll see how my choices and decisions affect Day 16! Check back with ya later!

P.S. This Fibre 1 Raisin Cluster cereal is AWESOME in my yogurt. Since when did I start liking raisins?!

WORKING OUT TO:

Check On It-Beyonce Feat.Slim - Mp.3